Several dark matter models allow for the intriguing possibility of exotic compact object formation. These objects might have unique characteristics that set them apart from their baryonic counterparts. Furthermore, gravitational wave observations of their mergers may provide the only direct window on a potentially entirely hidden sector. Here we discuss dark white dwarfs, starting with an overview of the microphysical model and analytic scaling relations of macroscopic properties derived from the non-relativistic limit. We use the full relativistic formalism to confirm these scaling relations and demonstrate that dark white dwarfs, if they exist, would have masses and tidal deformabilities that are very different from those of baryonic compact objects. Further, and most importantly, we demonstrate that dark white dwarf mergers would be detectable by current or planned gravitational observatories across several orders of magnitude in the particle-mass parameter space. Lastly, we find universal relations analogous to the compactness-Love and binary Love relations in neutron star literature. Using these results, we show that gravitational wave observations would constrain the properties of the dark matter particles constituting these objects.